Melanie

New name, new blog

2010-06-07T19:49:00.001-06:00

I know I don't blog much but seeing as I have a new name i should probably change my blog url. Since i don't know how to do that i just made a new one. So set you're google readers or whatever you have. I'll probably delete this one in a few days. :)

http://melanielricks.blogspot.com

Who said congratumatrimonialations first?

2010-03-03T21:10:00.001-07:00

I did! That's right! Boo-yah! Only Mckenna, you say it wrong. It's CONGRATUMATRIMONIALIZATIONS!

Now quit being a wiener about it.

Awesome Holiday Designs-fixed my links :)

2009-10-21T21:00:00.006-06:00

So...Not only is my older sister one of my best friends but she is just so darn crafty! She's always getting compliments on her web designs and has done a few wedding announcements/invitations. This year she has put together some really awesome Holiday Greeting/Card designs. My absolute favorite has to been the colorful reindeer one.

She's also doing a giveaway for 100 Custom Photo Cards or Letters. Her blog usually has personal posts about family life so not many people know about it. However, if you go to her blog and comment on the post you can get extra entries to her giveaway.

So to those on a budget this year but still want to send out holiday greetings I'm recommending www.kennalyn.com. She has great prices! And for those of us who get competitive and FREAK OUT over giveaways because we just lurve free shiz, visit her blog. :)

Happy Holidays!

Why yes...yes I did.

2009-10-03T19:34:00.004-06:00

I've recently joined my aunt's book club and can't wait to read Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West. I'm only about 20 pages in and I'm lurving it.

Happy reading!

The risk of being extremely offensive outweighs the guilt of not sharing this with the people who know me best.

2009-07-31T21:19:00.004-06:00

I was having an extremely tough day today and my Mom2 (my lingo for step-mom aka Whitney aka superwoman aka no less of my mom then my real mom aka dear friend who, as I grow older, seems to know be a lot better then i probably know myself) sent me this little nugget of love.

*NOTE: She's offensive, crude, not for the faint of heart, at times NSFW and speaks directly to my soul.

Back to my story... I was having an extremely hard day. You know the days where you don't smile at all because your being spiteful or you didn't get to see your kid that morning, or your several co-workers are being especially ridiculous OR dear Auntie Flow is kicking your ass? I'm sure everyone understands. So my dear mother sent me the nugget of love that brightened my day.

Rayder went to sleep about an hour ago and I snatched up the computer to read up on what my new BFF the Bloggess had to say. I found this wonderful Q&A that especially spoke to my soul because I've asked several people this question time and time again and get different answers every time.

· Dear Bloggess, What is the proper etiquette of pooping in public restrooms? Do you just let it go all willy-nilly, regardless of other people, smells, sounds, etc.? Or do you carefully time your grunts, farts and plunks to occur when someone flushes so you can disguise the fact that you're doing a number two? ~ Brittany

What exactly do you mean by “public”? Do you mean an airport bathroom filled with strangers, or the shared bathroom in your office? Because there are different rules for that shit. If it’s like an airport then your goal is to get out of there as fast as possible and screw the noises because it’s not like anyone there is taping you, probably. If it’s a public bathroom where you work and your coworkers might recognize your shoes then you should sing to yourself while you poop because that masks the noise. I suggest something by Journey because it’s impossible not to join in when someone is singing Journey and then the whole bathroom starts singing and it’s awesome and also good for work morale. Unless no one starts singing in which case you work with assholes and you shouldn't even try to protect them from poop sounds. Only the spiritually dead don’t sing along. Like, watch...“Just a small-town girl, living in a lonely woo-orld. She took the midnight train going aaaanyyywheeere.” If you weren't just compelled to sing the rest of the song out loud you need medication because you are dead inside.

Read more: http://askthebloggess.pnn.com/articles/show/49120-yes-virginia-there-is-such-a-thing-as-a-bad-blow-job#ixzz0Mtiv8mQJ

I not only snorted on my couch laughing so hard I think I may have peed a little. :)

Rugby anyone?

2009-04-18T10:16:00.003-06:00

Kris is in Florida right now playing rugby for UVU. If you want to watch it live for the next hour or so go to http://usarugby1.tampadigital.com/mediamanager/.

Or if you miss the live viewing you can go to www.usarugby.org and search for the game. USA Rugby is calling the team UVSU (Utah Valley State). You can do a search by that.

:) Enjoy and cheer loud for our boys!

Happy April Fools Day!

2009-04-01T21:57:00.003-06:00

Look at poor Alice, she's getting whomped on by Arora (what a beyotch). Don't forget to check out Cinderella's teeth. LOL this picture is too hilarious!

Dear Aunt Dev...

2009-03-30T20:19:00.007-06:00

Dear Aunt Devani,

I've been trying and trying to capture Rayder doing 'Crazy Boy' but he's being extremely reluctant. So here are the attempts I've made at capturing his new little trick. Hopefully I will be able to catch him on camera soon.

Attempt #1 Feb 28th 6:03 PM

Attempt #2 March 22nd 9:23

I don't think I'm going to put the video because he's in the tub and the last 10 seconds of it you can see his junk. I can't figure out how to edit and cut out the last 10 seconds of the video. :(

Attempt #3 March 30th

K so this one is mostly jumping...but still. (I can't figure out how to turn it on it's side).

What makes a family?

2009-03-07T14:34:00.005-07:00

Lately I've been thinking about what type of attributes create a family. This is a complicated one for me and always has been.

I've never been really close with most of my extended family. I have a handful of really great aunts and uncles, a few cousins that mean the world to me and of coarse grandparents.

With my family starting to grow up and get married I beg to ask the question, "What makes a family?". This is a good one huh? I've had some experiences on both sides of the family where I feel more connected with some then others. But what create the bond? Time spent with that person or how they 'click' into your family. I think overall the main characteristics of a family are the following:

1. Forgiveness
2. Unconditional Love
3. Being able to relate to each other
4. Time spent together
5. Communication

Forgiveness is a a major part of my new family and my extended family. I seem to be asking for forgiveness rather than forgiving lately. Without forgiveness grudges are made and the family cannot grow closer together.

I have unconditional love for Rayder when he smacks me in the face, as well as the rest of my extended family. What it really boils down to is being able to genuinely love someone even though you may not necessarily like them at the moment. Case and point, my relationship with my brother Austin. I may not have always liked him growing up but I always loved him and always will.

The ability to relate to each other crosses into being capable of empathy. If you are unable to relate to each other it makes it extremely hard to communicate (my number 5).

Time spent together is extremely important to a family bond. It allows you to create memories and inside jokes. :)

Communication is last on my list but it really should be first. If you feel you cannot express your feelings to your family you are unable to create a close relationship.

So now that I've wasted time explaining what I think are the key points to creating a family I've been thinking a lot lately about the word itself. Family originally refers to a blood relation. But really...who doesn't have a friend or two that is part of your family? I have a couple of friends who I love dearly and would do anything for.

Anyway there's my self-therapy session for the day. Have a great night!

Ding Dong Ding Dong...

2009-02-18T21:30:00.002-07:00

Just some ideas...any thoughts? (TIP: If you imagine me as 30 pounds lighter these dresses seem like a better idea...please humor me and imagine me thinner :))

#1

#2 - This is one of my favorites!

#3

#4

#5 - I like the idea of this one.

#6- For the girls, but purple

Oh the Places you'll go without any snow

2009-02-16T19:25:00.006-07:00

Like my title? I thought of it while in the bathroom this morning...that's where most of my best ideas come from. It's basically my only private time lately.

For those of you who don't know Kris and I had a (little)getaway to San Diego this past week. We've been saving up for our combined Valentines and my birthday. We left last Wednesday and got back late last night. We spent the day on Wednesday driving. However we did stop in Vegas and I do have to mention that we walked away a whole $9.00 richer! Talk about leaving while you're ahead right?!?! We would have walked away $29.00 richer but I had to play the slots for my very first time. And for those of you who are quick at math, it didn't go as well as I had thought. (You know how you plan on the flashing lights, confetti, and totally hot men bringing you fat/sugar/healthy chocolate that won't go straight to my thighs).

For some reason, I look very plastic in this picture. I told Kris they should put it in Madame Tussauds

Anyway we got into San Diego late Wednesday and Kris had rugby games on Thursday and Friday. I was just thankful to be out of the snow.

On Friday we spent some time on the beach and just wandering around.

Surfer on the beach

Us

Saturday day we went to the international sevens tournament at Petco Park, where the San Diego Padres play. It was surprisingly really fun! :) Basically it started at 9AM and went until 6PM. They were about 30 minutes games. My favorite was probably watching the Kenyans kick everyone's ass. Those guys are so fast!

Us at the tournament.

Kris eating a meat pie, which are disgusting BTW.

That night we spent downtown. We ate at this really yummy Thai food place that was reasonably priced. I was really excited to use my ID for the first time, now that I'm 21, but I didn't get carded! Not even once. So I quit after my first drink. What's the point right?

We left Sunday morning and got home late Sunday night. We were so excited to see Ray and he was just as excited to see us.

Hope you all had a great Valentines Day!

Announcement!!!

2009-01-11T22:56:00.003-07:00

Hi everyone!

I will be having an Urban Botanic party on Saturday January 17th at 3:00 pm. Urban Botanic is a company that my sister started a couple years ago and I have recently become a Fragrance Designer. Urban Botanic is the ONLY company to help you create your own personalized fragrance for your bath, body, and home. I am personally addicted.

Feel free to visit the website and take the personality test. :) If you are interested in coming please shoot me a comment and I'll tell you the details.

(P.S. If you bring a friend you qualify for a drawing!)

Country Music

2009-01-10T08:39:00.002-07:00

When did Country music get so dirty? A HUGE part of me thinks this is hilarious but the smaller more logical adult part of me thinks it's awful for jr high - high school kids to hear this because it just adds to the crazy thought that you can have sex with anyone anytime and nothing will happen.

Any thoughts?

Lookin For A Good Time - Lady Antebellum

#1 reason

2009-01-08T21:23:00.004-07:00

#1 reason I hate watching football is....the countdown timer. I understand that it is a timer for when the ball is in play and not to when the game ends but seriously. what. the. hell. What is the use of a timer that is not accurate. If Kris is watching football I want a countdown to when it's OVER and i can watch John & Kate plus 8.

anyone agree?

I hope someone who reads my blog also watches Chowder. They'll know how i feel when i show Shnitzel. :)

the quiz that ruined the night...

2009-01-07T21:27:00.000-07:00

buh.

http://www.groom411.com/tools_avg.htm

advice wanted

2009-01-03T21:13:00.002-07:00

Today I went to see a movie with my sisters and mom. I had a really good idea for a blog. I thought about it all afternoon, all evening and then... i logged on.

I logged on to the internet and found something that not only made me sick to my stomach but infuriated me to the point that I don't know how I'm going to sleep tonight.

So here is my question. When gearing up for a conflict what do you do? I have the tendency to stay quiet analyze the different view of the conflict and then remain calm while asking questions about the situation at hand. HOWEVER at this point in time, whether it be my mood for this week of the month, or my complete frustration with myself right now I want to wait until I meet face to face with the person I have a conflict with and yell, scream, and say hurtful mean things so that they can hurt how I hurt, so they can feel how I feel, so that they can feel worse then I feel because I know where to 'low-ball' them. I think about all the pieces that have come together for me to get to this point. I think about the paranoia to get me to this point. I think about the fact that there is a change that my accusations and fit might be merited.

But then I think about the repercussions of this route. I think about the regret I may have for saying hurtful things. I think about the consequence of saying too much and not being able to take it back.

SO, do I go back into my 'Melanie' shell and keep quiet and don't say a thing like I have in the past? Do I think things through and remain calm while explaining the way I feel and why I feel that way? Or do I finally throw the built up fit that has been boiling inside of me and scream, yell, throw things, and then deal with the consequences when the come?

I'm not sure why I'm even asking, I know what will happen. I will remain calm or pretend it's no big deal because that's what I do.

Christmas

2008-12-29T16:52:00.004-07:00

Christmas is always great so to say 'Christmas was great this year!' would only seem redundant and lacks the true meaning of my soul. I love Christmas for a few reasons.

First being I get to spend time with my family. My family is the most important thing in my life. This year it really felt like Christmas whereas last year being on Hydrocodone did quite feel like Christmas. We've started our own traditions and we are starting to feel like a 'real' family. Rayder didn't understand but he loved the tissue paper!

Another reason I love Christmas is because I get a healthy dose of humility and gratitude slapped in my face. This is a good thing. Not that I forget to be thankful during the rest of the year I just always feel especially grateful during the holidays. This year was almost bittersweet. My little family Christmas was perfect. However because of other things going on around me I have shed a few more tears this year then in the past. I have a friend who has never been especially religious contact me on Christmas Eve asking that I help pray for her sister who is currently trying to recover from a car accident. From what it sounds like it's going to be a really hard recovery, if a recovery is possible. Even to this day I hold hope in my heart and a prayer in my mind for her.

Rayder was extremely spoiled for his birthday in the end of November so we went a little light on the presents for him this year. He got an outfit, shoes, and some magnetic letters for the refrigerator. However, he was extremely spoiled by the grandparents. :) This year Kris and I decided to not give each other gifts but to get a 'family' Xbox 360. BUT Kris, being the perfect man ever, got me a gift. :) I got a new camera that takes really great pictures and short videos :) I couldn't be happier.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas and remembers to be grateful for what we have, even if it is only health and love.

So I have this stuff...

2008-12-15T14:44:00.005-07:00

So I have this stuff...It's really great stuff. BUT I either have no space for it or is no longer needed. I decided to put it up on my blog for 3 days before I put in on KSL and Craig's List.

First up we have a lovely blue striped 1980-something Lazy Boy Recliner. I know 1980? I would think it's thrashed but it's not. It used to be my grandparents and it's pretty much in perfect condition! *minus the handle that falls off occasionally but still works if you slide it back on.

Asking price:
$100

Second up we have a blue plaid rear facing Eddie Bauer infant car seat/stroller. It's in less perfect condition because that's what happens with babies. There aren't any stains on the seat or stroller BUT there is one screw that falls out of the handle. Please not that this does not make the seat unsafe but merely a pain in the bum to hold for long periods of time. :) I would like to get rid of both of them together. The carrier fits into the stroller easily and is great for walks.

Asking price:
Seat/Stroller combo: $80
Seat: $50
Stoller: $50

Next we have an Xbox. This is the original NOT the new 360. There aren't any problems with it we just got a new Xbox and no longer need two Xbox's. :)We have three controllers, and may be getting rid of some games later. Please email me if you are interested in the games we may have and I will let you know if they are available.

Asking price:
Xbox/3 Controllers: $200

Please note that ALL of the above listed prices are negotiable. If you know of someone who really needs any of these items but the prices are a little steep (especially the baby carrier/stroller) I am more than happy to work with them for a Christmas Special).

Please email me, Melanie-D at live dot com, or comment on the blog (I prefer email). Once again I will be posting these items on KSL and Craig's List in 3 days if they are not sold! :)

ALERT

2008-12-08T17:46:00.003-07:00

My blog is about to turn into a preperation for a wedding blog. :) So if you don't like weddings, or me, or me in a wedding quit reading now.

And so it begins:

Do you know how hard it is to find a cute interracial wedding cake topper? extremely. I'm thinking I might have to cave and just do monograms.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

I do love this one though...anybody good at painting? Think we can find Kris's shade? I do!

Reasons why we are waiting

2008-12-07T10:31:00.003-07:00

A lot of people, mostly family, have been asking why we are waiting till 2010 to get married. Here are the reasons for our reasoning: :)

1. I want my own year. One of my really good friends and my brother are both getting married next spring. I want a Spring wedding. of my own. so we wait.

2. I plan on being extremely picky. Not because i'm wanting to be a bride-zilla but because i take forever to make any kind of decision (what color of socks to wear, what movie to watch, what toothpaste to buy, do i drink soda or coffee?)

3. My lovely sister is going to China and I would love for her to be here for the big day.

4. We're living together, and have a child...isn't that practically married already?

5. If i get married in 2009 it will throw of my chi. Imagine me getting married in 2009 with ten diamonds on my ring. dooesn't sounds so good. Now imagine us getting married in 2010 with ten diamonds on my ring! See...it just looks so much better, RIGHT? :)

Twitter

2008-12-07T10:27:00.001-07:00

So I think I signed up to Twitter but i don't know how to get the thingy on my blog. any suggestions?

I'm completely clueless.

thanks!

8 Things About Me

2008-12-07T10:01:00.002-07:00

I loved being tagged! I was tagged by my mum.

Eight Things I'm Looking Forward To:

1. My Period. I know this is a weird/gross one but ever since I had a baby the relationship between my period and I has changed from a hateful relationship to one of extreme gratitude.

2. Spring. The only reason for it to be this cold is so we can play in the snow right? What I want to know is why god is sending the cold weather but not the snow. Therefore I'm ready for Spring.

3. The holidays. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday with Christmas being a close second. I love spending time with my family during the holidays.

4. Rayder to wipe his own bottom. As soon as his arms are long enough and he has the coordination I'm going to whip out the potty treats and make him wipe his own bottom. :)

5. Coming home from work and having my family here. I love when I've had a rough day and I come home to Kris and Ray wrestling on the floor or growling like lions.

6. A time when candy is healthy and doesn't make you gain weight.

7. Morning coffee. It's warm and it hugs your insides as it enters your belly. Mmmmm

8. Being thin again. (does this make me extremely vein? I hope not. Is being vein like being crazy? They say you can't be crazy if you recognize that you're being crazy. So by me recognizing myself as being vein does that make me not vein?)

Eight Things on My Wish List:

1. My family to be happy.

2. Patience. When I get stressed I lose a lot of patience. I need to learn how to still be patient when under pressure.

3. A new cell phone. It just needs to take pictures, text, call, and i would love it if could play music. I'm currently using an AT & T phone because my T-mobile phone broke and I'm not up for a new phone for a few months. I would love to have a t-mobile phone to match my t-mobile plan. :)

4. Scrapbooking supplies. I've never gotten into scrapbooking but now that I have a ton of pictures to scrapbook I find myself wanting to learn to scrapbook.

5. A tall, black shelving unit to store my scrapping supplies :)

6. A new gold star for my xmas tree. Kris broke it when trying to put it on the tree this year.

7. My very own copy of the Twilight series. Or a new good book to read.

8. More picture frames (since I don't scrapbook...yet)

Eight TV Shows I Like to Watch:

1. Jon & Kate Plus 8

2. CSI, but only if they magically bring back my favorite character!

3. Hells Kitchen

4. I'm a sucker for reality tv...

5. I'm not sure if i have 8 shows that i watch

6. the lifetime channel?

7. Ace of Cakes

8. Bridezilla

Eight Things that Happened Yesterday:

1. I woke up?

2. I threw a fit, like a child, and was so embarrassed.

3. Went to the grocery store.

4. Played with Rayder

5. ummm...

6. I don't

7. remember

8. anything else :)

Eight People Who Now Have to Do This Silly Tag:

1. Elle

2. Kass

3. Melissa

4. Ashley

5. I don't think there are 8 people who read my blog?

6. If there are YOU are tagged

7. Please leave a comment that you've taken the challenge of being tagged by me

8. so i can go to your blog and read. :)

I miss you when

2008-12-01T21:16:00.004-07:00

I miss you when I do dishes and don't feel your comforting embrace around my hand.
I miss you when I'm putting on lotion and softening my hands from where you belong.
I miss you when I can feel the empty space glaring from where you should be.

As of last week we are officially ENGAGED! (woot woot!) We do still plan on getting married Spring 2010.

We did it!

2008-11-26T14:31:00.001-07:00

We did it...we made it an entire year. I invited people over for treats and cake. Mental note for next year: more chairs! :) Sorry to everyone who had to stand. I felt so bad for my lack of planning ahead. Here are some of my favorite pictures from the big day!

TAGGED!!!

2008-11-14T21:52:00.004-07:00

I was so excited when I sat down to read some blogs to see that I was tagged. I've never been tagged before (and followed through with it). Yay!

As I pulled up my picture folder and when to the 6th folder and the 6th picture I pretty much had OJ spewing out of my nose because I was laughing my tush off. What are the chances that the 6th picture in my 6th folder is one of the very few pictures that have nudity. lol. Now this isn't the gross kind of nudity. It's the kind like 'oh-we're-sitting-around-at-college-with-my-roommates-and-decide-to-break-in-to-a-local-hotel-to-go-hot-tubbing-but-it-starts-to-rain-so-we-leave-and-on-the-way-back-to-the-car-i-get-mooned'. SO of course I snapped a pic. :)

So instead of showing the world that GEM of a picture i'll just do the 7th picture in thee 7th folder. He used to be really bugged when we did this to him. :)

simplistic love

2008-11-06T19:34:00.003-07:00

There we sat. In a creaky rocking chair with the hall light barley peaking through the space between the bottom of the door and the floor just enough to see a shadow of the nearby objects that occupy his room. I was rocking and he was sobbing. Nothing was coming to mind to stop the pain causing his tiny tears. So I sang the first song that came to my head...

Rise up this mornin',
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', "This is my message to you-ou-ou:"

Don't worry. about a thing,
'Cause every little thing,
is gonna be alright.
No Don't worry. About a thing,
'Cause every little thing,
is gonna be alright.

As I was singing I thought about the words of this simple song. I thought about how even as young as he is, it is perfect. How would singing this song of hope would affect his outlook on life. I imaged him being five and running to mama because of a scraped knee. Through his sobs we would sing 'Don't worry, about a thing'.

I couldn't help but smile at the cheesy thought.

2008-11-02T11:21:00.003-07:00

some more I've just found :)

2008-11-02T11:17:00.001-07:00

Every once in a while i go through all of my old photos on my computer. If I were a random picture, this is what i would look like.

riiiiiight.

European Vacation

2008-10-26T12:40:00.012-06:00

Not too long ago i went on a month long vacation through Europe. Here are some journal entries with some fun pictures!

Sorry it took so long to get them up. :)

May 12th, 2007

I'm going to quickly re-cap the past 3 days and then try to keep up from there. I knew i should have been journaling each day but i suck...

May 9th:

This was a really big travel day! We left Utah in the early morning and drove to Vegas to catch a flight to Dallas. Then from Dallas we flew to London. Trivia bit: London is 600 Miles big with 33 bureaus. It seems way to big, i would get completely lost. I didn't get much sleep on the plane, and my Uterus felt like it was going to explode. But as far as i know my little baby is well:)

May 10th:

1st day in London.

I was exhausted and wet. This day was really hard for me, and i will honestly say i hated London. I was wet and my knee caps felt like they were falling off. But i do like how EVERYONE walks here. We walked to Picadilly Circus, trafalgar squear, leicester square. It was awesome! I loved all of the old buildings and alleyways. All of the buildings are old and beautiful.

We ate at a placed called Wagamama. Let me just say it now, but asian food in England is NOT a good idea. i repeat...NOT A GOOD IDEA. I threw up the morning after, which easily could have been morning sickness but i think it was Wagamama-sickness.

Later we went to a Coven Garden. It was awesome! I thought it was strange when i saw a man roll up a joint and smoke it in public. But i guess it's not that big of a deal there. weird.

May 11th:
2nd day in London.

We went on a bus tour of all the major sites. Our guide was very typically 'English'. We went to London Tower Bridge, wibbley wobbley bridge, St. Paul's cathedral and many other places. The wibbley wobbley bridge was built to wobble but it was so dangerous that they had to spend about $10 million pounds to fix it.

Saint Pauls Cathedral was beautiful. During World War 2 the people called it the ship of hope. As long as it was still standing they had hope in their hearts.

We also saw the changing of the guards. This was really fun to watch. We walked next to them, and followed one guard to his post. He was too happy about 20 people just standing around watching him. He kept stomping around like a horse, like he wanted us to leave.

After the bus tour, we had a free afternoon. I chose to spend my afternoon in the national museum and portrait museum.

After dinner i went to Shakespeare's globe. They were showing Othello that night. It was one of my favorite experiences of London. It's a big open theater and it started raining during the first act. So, as a they lazy person i am, i left during intermission. The man who played Othello was gorgeous, it made me miss kris. :)

On the train home we saw this man throwing-up from being drunk. I remember everyone on the train was yelling at him calling him a drunk bum and to leave. I felt bad for him mostly. I thought it was strange how people react differently to this situation. In America, i would think people would just move away and leave him alone. In London, people yell and call him a bum. I remember feeling bad for this poor guy. He obviously had way to much to drink and now people were yelling at him. I guess it's just the difference in cultures.

Heather and I on the EuroStar to PARIS!!!!

Translucent

2008-10-26T12:37:00.001-06:00

*Written August 22, 2008

Today my brother made a commitment to his new family. Today he solemnly swore to have and to hold, to love and to cherish, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, ‘til death do us part, to always be there as a husband, lover, friend, and now father. There were toasts, speeches, and high-heeled blisters.

I’ve always thought it would be difficult to introduce new people into our family because we’ve always been so close. But I realized a few months ago that I couldn’t be more wrong. It’s almost as if we had this completed puzzle and all the sudden realized that there were other pieces that fit perfectly into it somehow. I couldn’t be happier for my brother. I’ve never seen him so in love, so at peace. Ashley and Destiny came in to his life and opened his heart. I cannot be more excited for how Ashley has changed his life. As I’ve grown to know her and Destiny I get excited for birthdays, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and anniversaries.

Nights like this are big for a couple reasons. First this was the beginning of a family. Second these are my secret ‘translucent’ nights that I feel the closest to my late grandma Lyn. I’m not sure if it’s the tears from excitement, having all of our family near, or if it’s just the general vibe in the air. The best we to explain it is when you put two sheets of plain white paper together. Let’s say you take the first piece of paper and write on it. Then you layer the second piece of paper over the top. The first piece of paper is where my grandma is, the second is my reality. I, as the second piece of paper, know that she is there on the first piece of paper, and I can almost see her through the thin layer separating our realities. I believe she is can see through the second piece of paper into our reality and is there for our big nights. Sometimes I wish I had a big light that I could shine through the two pieces of paper so I could see her through my reality.

Congratulations Chris and Ashley! We love you and wish you the best!

xoxoxox

Tried to give me his binky

2008-10-26T12:34:00.001-06:00

*I haven't had the internet for almost a year...which is why i've been slacking on posts. Her are some stories i've written while i was disconnected from the web.

June 26th, 2008

Tonight something happened. Everyone says that mothers have a stronger bond with their children at first because they spend nine months nurturing, growing, and anticipating their babies. Their babies are able to respond back to them with kicks and hiccups. Who knew that kicks and hiccups were such strong bonding mechanisms?

But tonight…tonight was more than kicks and hiccups. Tonight I was more than frustrated with life. I scream the f-word at a diaper bin. I tossed piles upon piles of dishes into the sink. I balanced and re-balanced the washing machine. I scrubbed facial shave gel out of the bathroom sink. I wiped urine off of the part of the toilet seat that I sit on. I cuddled my little ray of sunshine on the cool sheets of my bed to dry his tears from the newly budding teeth. As he scream I was overwhelmed with emotion. I started to cry, then I started to sob, then I looked right into his deep cappuccino eyes and plead over again, ‘Make mama happy. Please make mama happy. Please, please, please.’ Then he looked into my eyes and smiled the most precious smile of understanding. He, my precious son, understood. He may not understand my please for him to stop crying, however he understands my emotions. He understands that tears are tears and that at that moment Mama needed him. He cupped his baba with one fist and took my hand from his little feet and pulled it to his arm, then to cup his cheek. He then smiled that smile again of complete understanding. And there we sat for a full minute, caught in a gaze of understanding and appreciation. Then he guided my hand to his breathing tummy and let the moment be. I was in complete awe that I couldn’t help but immediately stop my tears. This moment was my bonding experience, my kicks and hiccups. This moment reminded me of a song that I don’t know the name of or the lyrics to but I know two lines. The two most perfect lines of a song that could complete my moment.

You give me something, I was scared to find.
You give me something, and I’m willing to give it a try.

Even now as he lays in bed on his back jabbering in the glow of my laptop, I’m feeling complete knowing he gets me. He may not understand my words, but he understands my emotions. He, my seven month son, gets me. And I couldn’t feel more complete.

aunt suan

2008-05-06T16:52:00.004-06:00

I'm not sure why but recently my aunt suan has popped into my head several times over the past few days. My aunt suan is probably the aunt that i feel closest to. Which is strange because i'm not sure if she realizes how big of an impact she has been in my life.

My aunt suan never forgets a birthday or holiday. She seems to never let anything phase her, even with the every day struggles of being a mom of two twin teenage boys and an amazing young daughter. For as long as i can remember she has been/arranged every holiday party we've had on my moms side of the family.

When i moved away to college my aunt suan would send me HUGE care packages filled with fun holiday treats. For example for saint patricks day (mind you a holiday not celebrated by many) i got a box full of green gifts. Everything from soap to green stacking cups to pens/pencils, a purse, and plenty of goodies. For Valentines day she was my sweetheart. she sent me cd's filled with songs that she loves, and i've grown to love.

When i was in saint george, the farthest away physically i've been from her, i felt the closest. When i found myself in a not so happy situation she was there with a simple email of support and encouragement. I appreciate it to this day and will never forget the releif i felt from the support email.

She's one of the most emotionally balanced women i know. I've never seen her loose her cool not for one second. I'm sure it happens, because everyone has hard days but i'm amazed with her strength on many levels.

So here's to my aunt suan, one of my life's heroes. Who can never be replaced. ever.

thinking of you. xoxoxoxo

2008-02-22T08:06:00.000-07:00

and today he smelled of oatmeal.

A Great Start

2008-02-19T09:21:00.004-07:00

You know those mornings where everything just feels good. This, thank god, was one of those precious mornings.

I woke up, with a strech, to the sound of not one, but two roaring snores. This sound would bother most people, but to me it means that two of my favorite people are still alive. I walk over to the crib to see Ray in a big 'X' position. His arms and legs streched as far as they go; and his burrito blanket last night currently been transformed into a very flattering tube top.

I then head off to the kitchen to make some coffee but am side tracked by the immediate urge to pee. In the bathroom I notice that the bath mats are freshley out of the dryer. Now those of you who don't know how big of a clean freak I am let me just tell you now that this made my entire day. Not only because they were clean, but they way my toes looked on the new clean bathmat. It felt like when you smell eucalyptus or walk by a house on a spring day only to smell the fresh scent of clean coming out of a dryer vent.

So I continue to get ready for work, then wake kris up to finish his homework, and wake up Ray to eat some breakfast. I was sitting out the couch with my little man putting on some make up, and he looked like he was sad because mama was having all the fun looking beautiful and he wanted too as well. So I humored him and whipped out my mascara and let him blink it on.

Now I know most of you are thinking, "WTF! She did what!?!?!" Yes I put mascara on my almost 3 month hold baby. I also put a little blush... so there. Kris was very upset to say the least.

Now I present my baby boy, looking very handsome if I do say so myself.

See you can't even tell he has any make-up on, that's the trick. :)

Buhh...

2008-02-13T10:17:00.001-07:00

1,258,320

Honolulu Dating

this is nasty, but fun :)

I've never been good with science...

2008-02-13T10:14:00.002-07:00

but ask me about math...let's find a math one :)

It's been a while

2008-02-13T08:24:00.004-07:00

A lot has happened since my last post.

First I had my baby. :) He's beautiul and perfect and I couldn't be happier. He was 19 inches and 7lbs 10 oz born on November 21, 2007.

He's now 2 months and 3 weeks old as of today. He's starting to grab and kick and things and he talks a lot. His favorite music is 311. I know, I know probably not the best 'baby' music but I can't bring myself to listen to "Wheels on the bus," all day yet. I figure he's too little for it to corrupt his mind. I'll make the switch over to "Wheels on the bus," as soon as he starts to talk right?

Let's see...any other news? Not really. Just like every other mama in the world I'm completly obsessed with my bubas. I was thinking last night as he was sleeping, if he weren't my kid this could possibly be considered stalking. I watch him eat, I love to look at his boogers and poop, i watch him sleep. It's borderline creepy, but i guess all mamas do it.

Ecstacy

2007-09-06T18:39:00.000-06:00

Currently I have just gotten home from work, started some wash, and caught up with my family. For most people this would be just an simple average day, but for today this is my ecstasy. I crave for the days with the most order, and the most simplicity. I find the greatest peace with my family and the greatest joy in routine. Don't get me wrong I enjoy the thrill of change, but I'm finding I am most happy with simplicity.

I realized today that I haven't ever mentioned, to anyone except Kris, how excited I am for our baby. I think the reason for this has been for a few reasons. First being at the beginning of my pregnancy I felt overpowered by feelings of shame. I felt that no matter what I chose to do with my baby I would be wrong. Some may think this is typical Melanie behavior and it is. I over thought, over analyzed, and jumbled up my brain so much that I wouldn't allow myself to make the best choice for our baby. Then one day I went and spoke with someone from an adoption agency and it all became suddenly clear. Now what I'm going to say next is the most simple thing but bear with me. She had said,"You have every right to choose to parent this child." It was as simple as that. I finally got it in my head that I had a choice. I didn't have to live in my own personal hell. I had the right to choose for my baby boy what I thought would be best for him. From that moment to now I've been at peace.

I have chosen to 'parent my child' as McKenna would put it. :) I have chosen for my baby to be there for him emotionally, physically, financially, and in all possible ways that I can. At first it was overwhelming and I was scared out of my mind. How was I, and Kris, going to be able to do, at the least, an adequate job of parenting our precious baby boy. With everyday I get more and more excited because I'm realizing we may not be married, we may have chosen the 'hard way' or the 'wrong way' but we have massive amounts of potential for success because of a few things.

Love - not only for each other but for our baby.
Trust - to be there in every way possible for each other and our baby
Acceptance - that our situation is not typical but we can make the best of it

The reason for this blog is not to try and validate my choice to anyone. It is simply a realization that I had not expressed my excitement for my child. I am grow more excited for our child everyday. I am excited for the late nights of no sleep, for the seemingly never ending dirty diapers, for the smell of my baby, for the sound of his precious laugh, and all of the many ups and downs of being a parent. I am filled with hope for him. I'm understanding more and more everyday what my parents have always meant when they say, "Just wait until you have a child, then you will understand." I know I don't fully understand this concept, but I'm getting closer everyday.

...

2007-08-21T16:28:00.000-06:00

if i had an ipod I WOULD WANT/NEED THIS..

http://www.target.com/gp/detail.html/601-5790434-9625738?asin=B000GB0O0O&AFID=Froogle&LNM=B000GB0O0O|Munchkin_iCrib_Sound_System_for_use_with_MP3_players&nAID=14110944&ref=tgt_adv_XSG10001

when in doubt...act like you have to pee

2007-08-14T16:07:00.000-06:00

The other day i was driving home from work, jamming out to some Hall & Oates and minding my own business and i see a cop about 50 feet in front of me. I was going 40 in a 25, and in all honesty i knew i was hosed. So i start to slow down because i know that i'm already doomed and i pull over as i see his 'sucka- you just got pulled over' lights.

All i could think is that there's no way i have money right now to pay for a ticket...and then i started to think 'how can i get out of this.' So i start frantically doing the pee leg jiggle.

The officer then walks up to my window.

M'am do you know why i'm pulling you over?

yes, i was speeding way to fast. Here's my driver's license, and registration, i apoligize because i don't have my insurance card with me. I was out of the country for about a month and i completely forgot to put it in my car when i got it. I just really have to go to the bathroom

ok-he looked kind of boggled.

So as he's walking back to my car i'm thinking that there's no way out of this ticket i was going WAY to fast.

So M'am, i'm going to let you go with just a warning. Now...how far along are you?

I'm 6 months...

Ok M'am now just know that speeding doesn't just put you at risk, it's harmful to the baby too.

I understand completely, I just am about to pee my pants, i know that's not an excuse.

At this point i surprisingly had real tears welling up in my eyes. I'm not sure if it was because i was actually pulling this off or what.

So, moral of the story is...when you're pregnant people take pity on you and let you get away with stuff you know you shouldn't get away with.

Confessions of a chubby prego lady...

2007-08-10T08:22:00.000-06:00

So something happened the other day that I couldn't resist to blog about. First because I, being a HUGE people-watcher, would've loved to have witnessed, and Second because what else am I going to do with my time. I figure I need to brush up on my story telling skills so Rayder won't be complete bored with me.

The other day I was at work about to go to lunch. I was walking by my TL's desk and she offered me a doughnut.
I said, " I probably shouldn't, but they look really good."
She replied,"Well think about it this way..in november you will lose at least 8 pounds in ONE day."
I said,"Very good point, thank you!" and then proceeded to pick the little chocolate baked gem in the corner with vanilla frosting and pink sprinkles.

just wait.

I then headed to the elevator to go up to the top floor to eat my lunch. Now here's where the imagery kicks in...you ready? So i'm standing there with my blue lunchbox slung over my shoulder, my bright orange XANGO mug in one hand, my gem of a doughnut in the other, and i'm trying to scheme a way of pushing button 4 and scanning my name tag without dropping anything. The wheels in my head start turning and i get the brilliant idea that i should just jump to scan my nametag (it hangs around my neck and hits about mid belly mind you)and push the 4 button with my pinky. So the attempt begins and in 3 seconds flat i have managed to NOT scan my name tag but hit every single floor on the elevator with my huge belly, and then proceed to set of the alarm, which takes me to the bottom floor instead of my destination of the 4th floor.

I can only imagine the look on the security guards face as he's watching the whole thing on his monitor. What I should've done once i arrived at the bottom floor was peek around the corner and say," OMG did you see that! please tell me that your monitor has that recorded! because i'd be a shu-in(?) for the million dollars on america's funniest home videos for that!" but because i was hunger stricken and in shock/embarassed about the prior events, i just looked right at the camera and started shaking my head.

APARTMENT SEARCH!!!

2007-08-08T11:56:00.001-06:00

Just to let all of the 3 people that read my blog know, i'm on the hunt for an apartment. I'm looking for a 2 bedroom apt/condo/basment that's within the range of $600-$800, somewhere in the valley, PG/AF/Orem area. I would appreciate it if you would let me know of anything that pops up :) thanks!

new favorite website...

2007-08-03T09:49:00.001-06:00

So, today being friday and me being excited for the weekend and extremely bored at work. I was scanning the web and i came accross this little gem of a website http://store.urbanbabyrunway.com/. It has some of the cutest maternity/baby clothes i've seen. They're kind of pricey, but i might splurge and get this shirt http://store.urbanbabyrunway.com/floatingbaby.html. The only problem is, i'm not sure exactly what size i am. I don't wear a ton of maternity clothes as is, i just wear normal clothes that look like pregger clothes. Anyway, enjoy my cute findings...i know kenna will :)

2007-07-31T09:31:00.001-06:00

$5200.00

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

Hassled by a distributor

2007-07-18T09:24:00.000-06:00

I'm an hour and a half into my shift and I already have a big enough gem of a story that I can't wait to blog about it.

*BEEP*

'GoXango this is melanie how may i help you?'

'well, i need to cancel my automatic shipping.'

'ok in order to cancel your automatic shipping we need you to either mail or fax a letter saying that you: 1.want to cancel, 2.have your id #, 3. reason for cancelling, and 4. signed by you.'

'well, what if i just put it on hold for 3 months, but i also need to change my credit card information.'

'ok not a problem. i can personally change your cc but i will have to transfer you to the AutoShip team in order to put you on hold for 3 months.'

'ok.'

'go ahead with the cc # whenever you are ready'

gives #

'ok just one second my computer is being slow this morning so i had to close out of the program and i need to resave your information...just one moment.'

'not a problem...now melanie have you ever tried XANGO juice? and do you like it?'

'yes, i have tried it. i've been on it for a month or so now and i love it.' lie...total lie it's an aquired taste and makes me gassy.

'really? wow, now would you be interested in a Xango-like mlm company where you can make plenty of money while still working at home?'

is this woman seriously giving me her schpiel for another company over the phone?
'you know i don't know too much about mlm companies...i'm new at this' another complete lie my family is so involved in mlm companies i could start my own.'and i'm in school so i think it would be difficult to keep up with that and schoolwork.'

'oh i see. how much longer are you in school for? what are you going into?'

'well i'm going into psychology and i believe i have at least another two years to go.' once again another lie...i'm no longer in school but i had to think of a lie quick and that's what came.

'oh i see. well do you know of anyone who may be interested in this type of business?'

'i don't, not currently at least. ok so i got my computer working again...so i will go ahead and transfer you to the AutoShip team o k?'

'ok thank you '

*BEEP*

'what's up melanie'

'k so i have this lady on the phone and she wants to put her adp on hold...but she keeps hassling me to join her company even when i politely tell her no...so just heads up k?'

'oh geez i hate those ones...k send her through.'

*BEEP*

Bathroom etiquitte

2007-07-17T15:32:00.000-06:00

Public bathrooms have always cause me extreme undue stress. In previous circumstances I have always been able to hold it until I am able to go home. I'm now realizing this is no longer a possibility because I work a full time job and there's no way that I could possibly hold it for 8 hours straight especially because i'm pregnant and now pee a minimum of 20 times a day.

I noticed today that using public bathrooms has a whole set of new worries that I have never had to think about. Before I was merely concerned with germs, and what I might/or might not be catching from a public bathroom. I don't care how many people or how many times people tell me that germs can't jump and that I can't catch anything from them. i don't believe you. I never know if i'm going to be the first person to catch a new disease or bug, and personally i'm not willing to take that chance. Case and point... that poor little girl who got her feet brutally chopped off at a six flags not too long ago. I bet her parents told her time and time again that she had nothing to worry about and that the rides were tested and nothing was going to go wrong...then BAM all the sudden she's 'Sally-nub-feet.' lesson learned the hard way: don't always believe your parents :)

Anyway the point i'm trying to get to is that now i'm thrown into this full-time work situation i'm stuck using the public bathrooms. Today i've noticed a dilemma...bathroom etiquitte.

let's just play out a scenario real quick:
#1:
i'm talking with my friend (who i will not name) and we are both headed into the bathroom. No big deal right? I know that you don't talk to someone while they are on the toilet actually excreting fluids beause it's impolite, but what do you do if this friend of yours toots while you are going to the bathroom. I thought it best to try my hardest not to burst out laughing which almost made me toot.

#2:
I know i'm weird and that not everyone is as paranoid as I am but i have what I call a 'poo process.' i have to wait until the doors are locked, the shower curtain is shut and the light is off before i can do my deed. i know i'm weird. Anyway so this morning I was at work and i tried my hardest to hold it as long as i could, but i had to #2 if you know what i mean. So i walk into the bathroom and thank god there was only one person there so i politely waited until she had left to let it out. Just then three people walk into the bathroom! oh geez what do i do? apologize for my poopie or just fake like it wasn't me?
i faked like it wasn't me.

Summer Reading Thing

2007-06-22T13:05:00.000-06:00

My mom started a Summer Reading Thing... I wasn't going to participate because I thought she wanted people who actually read to sign up. Little did I know, as I got screamed at this morning for not being one of the first to sign up, it doesn't matter if you read or not. I guess it's about support? I dunno anyway, so here's my Summer Reading Thing.

I am going to read: What to Expect When You're Expecting

stalling...stalling...stalling...and yeah still stalling

2007-01-29T11:41:00.000-07:00

so i'm sitting in the library, which is packed by the way, and i'm the only one not doing homework...this is either i sign of:
1. how awesome i am cause i already did it last night instead of playing mario in my swimming suit because it was swimming suit sunday.
2. how stupid i am because i have class at 1 PM and i came to the library to do it only after i slept in till 10 am and then dilly-dallied all day
3. how freakin awesome i am because i go to the computer center in the library to pick up on guys because i know the smart ones are here.

sadly as good as all of those answers are...it's number 2. I am stupid because i DID play mario all night (till about 3) in my swimming suit because it was swimming suit sunday and that's what you do on swimming suit days.

anyway...i found out kenna is getting a baby :) and i'm so happy for her.

my mind is just kind of flying right now and i'm not quite sure what to write about but i feel like writing because i have class in aproximately 1 hr. 12 min. and i really don't want to read my 40 pages today.

School is going great. you wouldn't think so because as for my prior writings have embellished in ever do my homework. but it gets done soon enough. i love my classes, even statistics. psychology i'm kind of bummed about. it seems like it's going to be a very easy class and i was hoping that it would challenge me at least a little because i love psych.

the roomies are good. i've finally gotten everyone to participate in swimming suit saturday/sunday/anyday we just wanna chill in the half nude.

still don't have a boyfriend which is great. actually now that i think about it...it's really great because i love being alone. i've been on one date it it was traumatic-i'll blog later- it was with ben carson, yes austin's friend "ben carson" -said in breathey tones because he's extremely smokin but not much of a talker.

anyway love always miss everyone

2006-12-08T11:37:00.000-07:00

*****please listen to 'highway to hell' (my new theme song- just cause it's fun. i'm not going to hell mum) while reading the blog...it just makes it better:) or some other fun song*****

I am quite funny. I was reviewing my past posts, and the stuff about the awkward people in this town i think is especially witty. I'm bringing this to your attention because sometimes i wish people thought i was as funny as i think i am.

My last couple of posts have been rather dry on the humor scale, and i'm ready to whip out some more laughs. I need a good laugh. :)

This post will be on some of the wonderful house traditions i have come to love.

#1: started just last week: WEDNESDAY MIDNIGHT RUNNING
yes, every wednesday me and all of my roommates, or whoever we can find to come with us. go on a midnight jog. I'm trying to push it to make it a usual thing, but it seems like no one else is really catching on. i guess the whole factor that it's december and winter outside is a turn-off. but nonetheless(none-the-less? none the less? i'm not sure) i'm insisting that we do it. I've gone twice, and alisa has been my stronghold partner to the end. :) it's great, we whip out the spandex, hats, gloves, scarfs, hoodies, and of course sneakers and make it a date.
Last week we tried to get some people from Roma's to come, the really hot cook named Luis that i wish i could make out with :) and Manuel the cook that's a butthole at work but is rather nice outside of work. but they decided no...bummer i was so close to midnight jogging with the hottest mexican i have ever met.
I'm hoping that the actual run will become a tradtion, and not just me saying "come on guys let's take a lap" every wednesday night at midnight.

#2 started just last week also: OC ALLNIGHT MARATHONS
once again it's usually just me and alisa, but its great just the same. we stay up all night and watch the OC which is very addicting and i love it.

#3 one that isn't catching on, but maybe someday: UNDERWEAR THURSDAY.
so first of all, we have a friend nikee cook that doesn't live in the apt- pronounced A-P-T yes seperate letters. don't think apartment think A-P-T it's much more fun that way- but is here quite frequently and we love her like she did live here. She is a very open girl. if she has to pee and your in the bathroom, she'll go anyway. if she wants to change into pj's she's naked in 2.2 seconds flat. (i don't know how she does it cause it's so fast. i think she secretly replaces seams in her clothes with velcro to make this such a quick process. ) and she doesn't care who's in the room...as long as it's not a boy. anyway, she's trying to convince everyone to have underwear thursday. i joined in yesterday night for like five minutes and i'll have to tell you it's quite liberating and i've been convinced. everyone should have a naked day

#4 THE JT OBSESSION
now i know whitmom will be especially proud of this one. I'm obsessed with JT-justin timberlake- so obsessed that whenever he is on tv or the radio or anyone mentions him everyone automatically says, "look mel it's your bf jt!" and then we all laugh. because it's oh so true. i'm obsessed and in the market for a full length pic/poster of him. preferably nude or partially nude :) if anyone finds one please let me know.

#5 SHOW ME YOUR BOOTY
i think it's hilarious to moon people. i don't know why but if i had to guess i think it would be because of how many times i've seen my brothers bums. anyway this one is just simple... we just moon people whenever possible.
for example, nikee and i woke up before alisa one day, and we went in to ask her a question. so instead of waking her up nicely we woke her up greatly :) we put our bums about a foot away from lisa, she was facing the wall. and then say," hey hon, wake up" and she rolls over and almost face plants nikee's bum. hahahha ROFL ROFL ROFL ROFL it was amazing, i dunno if we'll ever be able to beat that one, but it was amazing.

hmmmm, i can't really think of anymore right now. so i'll go.

xoxoxo much love,
mel

2006-10-23T09:12:00.000-06:00

Contemplation.

contemplation: concentration on spiritual things as a form of private devotion b : a state of mystical awareness of God's being 2 : an act of considering with attention 3: the act of regarding steadily.

The act of contemplating life in general is a subject far more time consuming that a 30 minute blog. but i will attempt. :)

sometimes i feel overwhelmed and sometimes underwhelmed(yes i know it's not a real word mom, but you know what i'm trying to say) there are unlimited amounts of options, unlimited abouts of choice, and an unlimited amount of mistakes. i want to do them all. i want to live my life by learning through my own mistakes and those of others. i look at my life and i'm moslty overwhelmed. there's so much i want to do with a limited amount of time.
1. become a complete person. life is all about growing into your own, and being happy. there was a period of time when i grew and then i was happy. i think i'm backin the growing stage right now. it's not that i'm not happy, it's just things aren't CLICKING as i call it. CLICKING is when life becomes life. i don't know how to explain. i think it is more based on acceptance. the acceptance of your circumstances. it's also being free, living how you want to and being complete.
2. make my family proud. it's that simple. i know they are proud of me, so maybe it's myself i'm not proud of. As much as i love her, i'm afraid i'm turning into taylor both. it's not a bad thing it's just not melanie davis. i'm turning a little cold and i feel it, but i'm not sure how to change. maybe i'm meant to be a little cold and a little skeptical. explanation: taylor always tells the truth, cut and dry. it's one of the things i love about her. i want to be the person who is completely honest. i'm trying, but i've lost the 9-year-old part of me that is empathetic. i became cut and dry, instead of twisting my words to be compassionate. I almost feel as if i'm a mean person pretending to be kind instead of a kind person. ( as i'm reviewing my blog, i'm noticing the word twisting which is a red flag in my mind. what kind of person can't just be compassionate but has to work hard to be compassionate. and instead of doing the actual actions of compassion, i feel as if i'm going through the motions. i'm pretending to care, and be kind. it's not coming as easily as i'm used to)
3. EVENTUALLY i would like to get married. definitely not any time soon. I'm not jaded towards marraige because of life. i think i'm just extra cautious. many of my friends are already getting married, and people aren't shocked by this, they just accept it as a social norm. all i know is when i'm ready i will know. and i'm most definitely not ready.
4. i want to travel. which most of the traveling i wish to do will happen this upcoming spring. and i couldn't be more happy. i get teary eyed everytime i think about it. the main reason i'm going is not to look at art, it's to gain the experiene. i want to understand more, learn more, maybe then things will click. it's almost a self searching experience. my dream of traveling will happen and it's unnerving. what will i dream of next?
5. i want those around me to be happy. there's the general moms and dads that i wish for the best, but each person in my life has struggles. i don't necessarily wish the struggle to end, because i believe struggle is what makes life good, you can't have the good without the bad, i simply wish for the CLICK factor to happen and for peace of mind for everyone( i sound so corny but oh well this is my blog :) come on guys )

i know part of life is growing up...moving away from home... and i know everyone has gone through or will go through what i'm doing. you never understand until it happens. when you move out, you do miss home. then when you visit you feel a mixture of homesickness and displacement. almost as if the home isn't yours anymore.

a part of me wants to hit myself in the face and say shut up mel. you've been thinking of others since you were born, you've been thinking like an adult, or what i thought was how an adult should think, for as long as you remember. why is it hard. i realize the psychological aspects of it, i realize the physical aspects of it. it seems like i have a pretty good understanding of moving out. just accept it. don't fight the feeling loneliness, everyone has it. why can't i be everyone. why do i hold myself to a different standard than i do others. it's not because i think i'm better than them. it's more the feeling of, ' ok i know why i'm feeling this way, i know that i should feel this way, i know it's ok to feel this way but you have to fight it' everyone goes through struggles, and i knew moving out would be more difficult for me than some other people. but i can't let myself just accept it. i feel like i should know better. it's not like i'm dying. it's not like they're dying. they aren't that far away. i get how i'm thinking but i can't stop fighting.

2006-10-04T12:00:00.000-06:00

The European Showcase.

I've happened upon an oppurtunity that could change the rest of my life. Change the way I think, the way I view things, and it's an oppurtunity that i've dreamed about for a long time.

It's a 20 day trip that I would be taking with my some of the people in my Art class, approximately 30 students. It includes roughly 3 days in London, 2 in Paris, 1 in Lucerne, 2 in Florence, 2 in Rome, 3 in Atens, and 3 on a Cruise. (http://www.eftours.com/FindaTour/Tour.aspx?cont=&ctr=&tourcode=EUX%20&touryear=2007).

Why the hesitation you ask? I am not sure, it's not that I wouldn't be going with complete strangers...I do well with strangers. I think the hesitation is more that my dreams might become a reality. A while back I had a boyfriend that had seen/done/lived what I dream of. He had gone to Europe, and Japan. We would talk about how I wanted to go so badly. He asked me what was stopping me. I replied...nothing. it's not that i wouldn't go if the oppurtunity presented itself, it's simply that what are the chances of me going and doing something so extravagant. The thing he had a problem with understanding was that I was OK with not going. I didn't see it as settling, I saw it as those are things I WANT to do, not NEED to do.

Now the oppurtunity of living the dream is being smacked in my face. I have the money, I have the want, so what is the problem? i don't know. I'm sitting at the computer with 6 windows up, one of my email, waiting for my parents to email me back and say "What the hell Melanie! just do it already!" one of my blog that i am writing right now, and three of the EF Tours which outline every detail of the trip of a lifetime.

I don't know why i can't just click the button, it's just a button, a little SUBMIT button and it's kicking my ass. I want to go so bad with all of my heart, I cry when I talk about it, my eyes start to fill up when i think about it, and i spent 2 hours with the most amazing old man i've ever met watching slides and talking about this trip.

I'm not sure what to do.

2006-09-15T12:00:00.000-06:00

There's not really much to say...

It's as simple as that, there's not much to say, there's no excuse for the oddity of the people down here.

I'm not quite sure if the people down here, in st. george (yes austin, i don't live at home now :) you big nerd) are so strange, or if being away from home and not having people close to me to spy on has changed my perspective and everyone seems odd. I will list a few examples (excluding the strange cross-dressing, clay aiken lover that has sadly now transfered out of my nutrtion class, because i've already mentioned him.)

#1: The giant in my english class:
yes, that's right i said giant...i thought austin was tall, but this kid schools austin anyday of the year. The other day I tried to sneak and walk next to him so i could figure out how tall he was. It was rather difficult because everyone was turning in their assignments and i had to squeeze my relatively compact self into a spot that would have normally occupied his right arm. My head went up to his hip bone. He's got to be at least seven feet tall. I love him.
Not only do i have the pleasure of seeing him every MWF (Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to all of you who are wondering what the eff MWF is) but i got to see him in the gym! it was fantastic. He's on the basketball team, and every Wednesday around noon-ish the basketball goes to the Fitness Center to workout, and to display their giant. I try to make it a point to go to the Fitness Center EVERY Wednesday so i can meet up with my giant.

#2: The coolest kid ever in my english class:
He looks like Beans off of Even Stevens. It's great, his name is ...i can't remember now, i think it starts with a G. i'm not sure. well it doesn't matter he's still fantastic. He always looks frazzled and extremely confused/lost. One day i saw him kind of run into/faceplant standing up the wall as he scurried into class approximately 20 minutes late.

I could go on all day...but i won't becuase i started to write another # and it was my english teacher...maybe all of the strange people are just in my english class. MAYBE i'm someone's odd person that they are blogging about right now. weird to think about.

anyway, much love to everyone.
xoxoxo

2006-09-05T11:06:00.000-06:00

So, i went to my class the other day and sitting next to me was the stero-typical nerd. He had high-waters, moles on his neck (with hair growing out of them mind you), bottle-cap glasses, always wears button up shirts, and brings his lappie to class with him everyday.

Heopens up his laptop, and what do you expect? some wooties joke, or some crazy japanese comic, but no...you'll never guess. A full body shot of ...drum roll please...the one and only Clay Aiken. So i'm a little weirded out, and just think well maybe he likes his music. but i couldn't pay attention the whole class because i kept playing out this scenario in my head of him sitting at home jamming out with his computer playing as loud as it could to "If i was invisible..." yeah, riiiight. it gets better.

The next day he was late to class, and i was dissappointed because i was looking forward to seeing him and playing out another movie in my head all class period. but alas, i hear footsteps in the hallway, i look up and there he is. Only, he's walking funny, like he has peanut butter on the bottom of his shoes. So I look, and he has high heels on. THREE INCH HIGH HEELS! From then on i definitly could not pay attention. The movie in my head got so much better. All i could think about was this guy sitting on his couch putting on bright red lipstick which listening to clay aiken, "if i was invisible....if i could just watch you in your room." (weirdo) with his heels on frolicking about.

It was a great class, and i'm extremely excited for tomorrow when i get to see what he'll cook up next.